I’m not an inspirational speaker.
I’ve never lost a limb on a mountainside, metaphorically or otherwise. I’m
certainly not here to give career advice, ’cause, well, I’ve never really had
what most would consider a job. However, I have had large groups of people
listening to what I say for quite a few years now, and it’s given me an
inflated sense of self-importance. I will now, at the ripe old age of 37.9,
bestow upon you nine life lessons.
One. You don’t have to have a
dream. Americans on talent shows always talk about their dreams. Fine, if you
have something you’ve always wanted to do, dreamed of in your heart, go for it.
After all, it’s something to do with your time, chasing a dream. If it’s a big
enough one, it’ll take you most of your life to achieve, so by the time you get
to it and are staring into the abyss of the meaninglessness of your
achievement, you’ll be almost dead so it won’t matter.
I never really had one of these
dreams. I advocate passionate dedication to the pursuit of short-term goals. Be
micro-ambitious. Put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front
of you. You never know where you might end up. Just be aware the next worthy
pursuit will probably appear in your periphery, which is why you should be
careful of long-term dreams. If you focus too far in front of you, you won’t
see the shiny thing out of the corner of your eye.
Two. Don’t seek happiness.
Happiness is like an orgasm. If you think about it too much, it goes away. Keep
busy and aim to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a
side effect. We didn’t evolve to be constantly content. Contented homo erectus
got eaten before passing on their genes.
Three. Remember, it’s all luck.
You are lucky to be here. You are incalculably lucky to be born. Understanding
that you can’t truly take credit for your successes, nor truly blame others for
their failures, will humble you and make you more compassionate. Empathy is
intuitive, but is also something you can work on intellectually.
Four. Exercise. I’m sorry, you
pasty, pale, smoking philosophy grads, arching your eyebrows into a Cartesian
curve as you watch the human movement mob winding their way through the
miniature traffic cones of their existence. You are wrong and they are right.
Well, you’re half right. You think, therefore you are, but also you jog,
therefore you sleep, therefore you’re not overwhelmed by existential angst. You
can’t be Kant, and you don’t want to be.
Play a sport, do yoga, pump iron,
run, whatever, but take care of your body. You’re going to need it. Most of you
mob are going to live to nearly 100, and even the poorest of you will achieve a
level of wealth that most humans throughout history could not have dreamed of.
This long, luxurious life ahead of you is going to make you depressed.
Five. Be hard on your opinions. A
famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like assholes, in that everyone has
one. There is great wisdom in this, but I would add that opinions differ
significantly from assholes in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly
examined. We must think critically and not just about the ideas of others. Be
hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the veranda and hit them with a
cricket bat.
Be intellectually rigorous.
Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privileges. Most of society’s
arguments are kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance. We tend to
generate false dichotomies and then try to argue one point using two entirely
different sets of assumptions, like two tennis players trying to win a match by
hitting beautifully executed shots from either end of separate tennis courts.
Six. Be
teacher, please please please be a teacher, teachers are the most admirable and
important people in the world. you don't have to do it forever but if you're in
doubt about what to do be an amazing teacher. even if you're not a teacher be a
teacher share your ideas, don't take for granted your education, rejoice in what
you learn and spray it.
Seven. Define yourself by what you love. I found myself doing this thing a bit recently
where if someone asked me what sort of music I like ? I say well I don't listen
to the radio because pop song lyrics annoy me or if someone asks me what food I
like ? I say I think truffle oil is overused and slightly obnoxious and I see it, all the time online people whose idea of being part of a subculture is to hate
Coldplay or football or feminists or the Liberal Party.
We have a tendency to
define ourselves in opposition to stuff as a comedian, I make my living out of
it but try to also express your passion, for things you love be demonstrative
and generous in your praise of those you admire. send thank-you cards and give
standing ovations be pros stuff not just aunty stuff.
Eight. Respect people with less power than you. I have in the past made important
decisions about people I work with agents and producers, big decisions based
largely on how they treat the waitstaff in the restaurants, we're having the
meeting in. I don't care if you're the most powerful cat in the room. I will
judge you on how you treat the least powerful.
So, There finally don't rush you, don't need to, already know what you're gonna do
with the rest of your life. don't panic you, will soon be dead.
Life will sometimes
seem long and tough and god, it's tiring and you will sometimes be happy and
sometimes sad and then you'll be old and then you'll be dead. There is only one
sensible thing to do with this empty existence and that is fill it not fillet, it
fill it.
Life is best filled by learning as much as you can, about as much as you
can taking pride in whatever you're doing, having compassion sharing ideas, running, being enthusiastic and then there's love and travel and wine and sex
and art and kids and giving and mountain climbing.
But you know all that stuff
already, it's an incredibly exciting thing this one meaningless life of yours
good luck and thank you for indulging me.
Transcripted by: Faiyaz Patel
Source: Speech by Tim Minchin
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Thank you.