I was
nineteen years old when romance came knocking on my door.
He was
funny; I laughed.
He was
cute; I was smitten.
He liked
me; I liked him.
He
pursued me; I fell in love.
And then
as quickly as it started . . . it ended.
My tears
covered my pillow for weeks on end. It took me six months to recover. Even
though I was totally heartbroken, God gave me the grace to come to grips with
the situation.
Looking
back, it’s clear that I didn’t know much about marriage, men, or what to look
for in a spouse when I started that first, serious romantic relationship. I
just figured if a nice Christian guy was interested, I should be interested
back.
What I
Know Now That I Didn’t Know Then
The years
that followed my first relationship were major eye-openers in my life. I
learned several incredible truths that transformed my thinking about what I
should be looking for in a future husband. I finally realized that I’m looking
to marry more than just a “nice guy.” I’m looking to marry a guy with these
three specific qualities:
1. Vision
2.
Passion
3.
Purpose
What’s
the difference between a “nice guy” and a “potential husband” kind of guy? If
you’ve ever felt confused or unsure about what to look for in a future husband,
this blog post is for you. I’m going to take you through each of the qualities
and explain why I personally believe they should be foundational qualities in
any guy you would consider a romantic relationship with.
Quality
#1: Vision
The Bible
has given men the huge task of being the spiritual leader of their homes (Eph.
5:23).
A guy considering marriage doesn’t need to have everything figured out, but he does need to have a plan for where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife.
How then
can a man lead you—and your future family—if he doesn’t have a spiritual
vision? Vision is just a fancy word for a plan. A guy considering marriage
doesn’t need to have everything figured out, but he does need to have a plan
for where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife. I’m not talking
about him having his fifty-year life plan in order with his burial site already
purchased and ready to go. I’m talking about direction. If his vision stops at
bringing home the bacon and then vegging out to watch Netflix, that’s not going
to cut it.
If you
are considering a guy as a potential spouse, you need to have a clear
understanding of his spiritual vision. Find out his answers to questions like:
• How do you plan to lead your (future)
wife spiritually?
• How do you plan to lead your (future)
children spiritually?
• What kind of legacy do you want to
leave behind?
Quality
#2: Passion
A potential husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and passionate about making Christ known each and every day.
I
personally believe that a guy who truly understands the gospel—and what Christ
did for him—will be passionate about His relationship with Christ. This means
he does more than just go to church. He communicates about the gospel
passionately and lives out what he believes. If a guy isn’t passionate about
the gospel, I have to wonder, Why not? In my opinion, this is a huge indicator
of what will set a potential husband apart from just a nice guy. A potential
husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and passionate
about making Christ known each and every day.
Ask him:
• How does being a Christian impact your
everyday decisions?
• How do you want to live out the gospel
in your life?
Quality
#3: Purpose
What are the ways God has uniquely gifted him? Those are extremely important things to know before committing your life to someone.
Find out:
• Does he live his life with a sense of
purpose?
• Does he feel called to a certain area
of service or certain use of his gifts?
• If not, is he asking the Lord to show
him his purpose and willing to live like God calls him to?
I want a
guy with a purpose guiding him in his life. Don’t you?
Look for
a guy with vision, passion, and purpose. Don’t settle for a guy that’s just
nice. Dig deeper, and figure out where he is going and where he will be taking
you.
I’d love
to hear your thoughts. Which of those three points is most important to you?
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Thank you.